I support a woman’s right to choose. And I will teach my daughter that very lesson. In fact, I’ll go one better, not only does she have a right to choose, she has an obligation to choose.
I will also teach my daughter that she has made her choice when she chooses to have sex. That is the decision point; not after a positive pregnancy test. Pregnancy is a natural consequence of sexual activity, it is not an “accident.” Accidents happen as the result of something unexpected.
One of the things I struggle with most as a parent is how to teach my kids the values that I hold dear. Part of that struggle stems from having to eschew the current cultural paradigms of self-esteem, entitlement and being given respect before it’s earned. Yes, first I must undo what society has been doing for decades.
You see, I value more than those things GIVING respect, possessing self control, being selfless, providing service to others. In this “me” generation our kids focus has been turned inward. Children are, by their very nature, more self centered than adults until they get sufficient experience to view the larger world. However, we, as their parents, have a responsibility to teach them to ACT selflessly despite their selfish inclinations. When they have mastered self control, when they are able to show respect to those who have earned it, when they are well mannered and polite, and are using some of their time to help others, then the world will begin showing THEM respect and, in turn, they will develop much deserved self esteem.
Perhaps therein lies my biggest problem: too many kids are told to develop their self esteem when, in fact, there is little about their self for them to esteem. They view self esteem as an entitlement. But we, as parents, are the ones who are charged with helping them develop their “selves” so that they can hold themselves in esteem. We, as parents, are to teach them that their worth is not determined by their friends or their boyfriend/girlfriend or their clothes or their success. In fact, their worth has nothing to do with what they have or who they are with; but, rather, their worth is determined by who they are in God. When we teach our children that they have worth because God has created them for a specific purpose and has given them the exact tools necessary to accomplish His purpose then we are giving them reason to value themselves. When we teach them to seek His purpose for their lives, then we are teaching our kids to look outwardly at the world for places to serve and ways to fulfill His purpose for them. Out of this intrinsic value will develop behaviors that are worthy of the praise of man—whether it is a three year old who says “please and thank you” or a teenager who calls and asks for permission from a father to talk to a young lady on the telephone. And from those behaviors come a real reason to have self esteem.
And with a world view such as this teens and young adults can see through the cultural messages . Our culture teaches that people can have sex because it is their right to do with their bodies as they please. Culture tells us that we only have worth in how much we earn or how beautiful our partner is. Culture teaches us to evaluate based on aesthetics not on character.
Teaching character to our kids equips them to evaluate character. When the Secret Service is training agents to spot counterfeit bills it doesn’t show them counterfeits. Rather, the Secret Service surrounds them with authentic bills so that the agents will know instantly what authentic currency looks like. Parents, too, need to surround their kids with authentic character—displaying it and teaching it.
The abortion problem in the world is, in part, a result of individuals who think first about themselves. They didn’t think about others when they had sex and now that the natural consequences of that action are at hand, they want to avoid those consequences. They view their sexual desire as some sort of appetite to be fulfilled for their satisfaction. They view abortion as the least intrusive option on their life for the resolution of their perceived “problem.”
Let me say, I also support a man’s right to choose. Because when a man and a woman choose to have sex they are choosing to engage in the process by which babies are brought into the world. And the man and the woman engage in making this choice together and simultaneously. It seems to me this discussion ought to occur before the clothes come off: “If this behavior begets a pregnancy, what are we going to do? We need to make a choice before we get into bed.” If two people can’t agree on something this important, then maybe they shouldn’t be putting themselves in the very intimate and vulnerable position of having sex.
Even the phrase “making love” points to our self centeredness. God’s gift of sex wasn’t given to us to “make” love. It was given to reinforce love. It was designed that a man and woman would become ONE flesh and for their mutual enjoyment. If you think you are going to make “love” by having sex you are sorely mistaken. Without love already present you are either using someone for your personal pleasure, you are being used by them, or the act itself is for the eradication of lust. The only thing that the couple can MAKE is a baby. Maybe that’s how we, as parents, ought to be talking about this with our kids: “You know son, when a man and a woman “make-baby” [as opposed to “make-love”] it is a wonderful thing to be shared by a married couple for their mutual enjoyment.” In this way, we are speaking accurately about what the consequences could be and we are using language which focuses their attention away from self and towards others.
We must teach our kids that they have the right to choose and beyond that, the obligation to choose–the obligation to evaluate their behavior based on how it will affect others. And that choice gets made when people choose to have sex. Not four weeks later.
Parents, teach your children to choose to see themselves as God sees them. Teach them to choose to see the world as bigger than themselves. Teach them to choose to think of others as better than themselves, then they’ll have plenty of self esteem and plenty of esteem from the world around them as well—or as kids say, “they’ll get their props,” but only when they’ve earned them.
Columbus Day
How did you spend your Columbus Day? I had no luck talking my family into caroling through the neighborhood singing traditional Italian sailing songs of Indian oppression. Sigh.
MNF: Jon Gruden
I like what Jon Gruden is doing on Monday Night Football tonight. Sure it's only the first night, but I like his perspective, his input and his delivery. Let's see if it lasts.
House Resolution 204
Yes we can. Yes we can. Yes we can.
Just when you thought your Congress wasn't doing anything. When you thought them inept, embroiled in bureaucracy and piddly partisan politics, they came together--424 to nothing. That's right. Zip. Nada. Nothing. No dissents. No food for thought. Just unanimity.
What, pray tell, could bring about such consensus? What could cause bitter enemies to set aside their rancor and think of the country first and not their own selfish interests?
I give you House Resolution 204. Introduced March 3. Passed May 13. Sponsored by Republican Michael Simpson from Idaho.
Doesn't he have a lovely smile?
The full text is here http://www.govtrack.us/congress/ billtext.xpd?bill=hr111-204.
But let me summarize. Our Congress is, Congratulating the American Dental Association for its 150th year of working to improve the public's oral health and promoting dentistry, supporting initiatives to improve access to oral health care services for all Americans, and emphasizing the benefits of prevention of disease through support of community prevention initiatives and promotion of good oral hygiene."
Isn't change good?
The Lasting Effect of Sarah Palin
I, for one, have been wondering about the LASTING effect of Sarah Palin.
Would she have any lasting effect on the American political landscape or would she just be the political equivalent of Max Headroom?
Ms. Palin was probably beginning to think, based on her speaking slot at CPAC, that she was losing all her momentum. Au contraire. I have noticed a new trend in men's fashion eye wear that I hope Ms. Palin will be happy about.
Given the fickle nature of fashion, I seriously doubt that this is the kind of thing the GOP can turn into increased voter turnout or use to create crossover appeal with democrats. But given the state of the GOP today, they should be happy with any influence on American lives, no matter how trivial.
DUPLICITY
Just a fun thing to look for. I recently went to see Duplicity starring Julia Roberts and Clive Owen. I enjoyed the movie but what I enjoyed most was the portrayal of two rival CEOs, the heads of Companies Burkett and Randall and Equikrom being fashioned in the likeness of Cosmo Spacely—Spacely Sprockets
and Henry Cogswell—Cogswell Cogs.
The Duplicity CEOs were played by Paul Giamatti and Tom Wilkinson.
As for the movie, let the memory of your childhood guide your prognostications.
Joe Biden: Oh Dear, What a Mess
For thinking people, I can't imagine any favorable response to Joe Biden's acceptance speech Wednesday night. First off, compared with the quality of speech making skills, former President Bill Clinton and Senator Clinton are clearly the cream of the crop. President Clinton's speech, like his wife's, was a flawlessly delivered effort and deserves much praise in that regard. If you make public appearances, tape and dissect these efforts. Joe Biden stumbled through his speech like an amputee in quicksand by comparison.
But on the more important substantive issues, it was full of contradictions and misleading statements. He talked about being knocked down as a child and how his mother taught him to pick himself up. (Great lesson) Later, though, he lamented that at a time when so many Americans have been knocked down, Washington has done so little to help them get back up. (I thought, Senator, the point was to learn to pick YOURSELF up.)
He talked about how the most important aspect of work is that it provides the benefit of dignity and respect to Americans; but he then prattled on about how the work people have doesn't pay enough.
He talked about how tax breaks for corporations, which McCain supports, send jobs overseas. No, Joe, they don't. Tax breaks for corporations brings jobs home; companies have been sending jobs overseas because it already costs TOO MUCH to do business within the US.
He talked about a "promise that their tomorrow will be better than their yesterday." Who is making that promise, Senator? Only we can make our tomorrow better. Government can't and if government is promising that, and Americans want that, then this is the discussion that we should be having in America.
He quoted John McCain on Afghanistan from 3 years ago and Barack Obama on Afghanistan from 1 year ago. Why not break out a quote from McCain on Georgia from years ago and a quote from Obama on Georgia from last week?
Viewers of this speech who pay attention to his words, will not have been impressed with the content or the medium. Hillary’s DNC Speech
You've got to give credit where credit is due: Hillary Clinton is an excellent orator. She DELIVERED that speech extremely well. James Carville seemed ready to serve papers on his wife Mary and propose immediately to the NY Senator. Gushing though he was, Mr. Carville was dead on. Hillary Clinton can give a speech and she made those who preceded her look amateurish.
However, the speech itself probably did little. She certainly had nothing to say that might sway Republicans to rethink their party affiliation. Furthermore, absent too were talking points that independents might find attractive. The speech seemed to have two purposes. First, convince her supporters to vote for Obama. But who else were they going to vote for? Those people involved enough in politics to be at or watch on tv the DNC convention are also likely to be people who will value their vote and not stay at home. Those who might elect not to vote at all, certainly were not in attendance and might well have been watching America's Got Talent and missed the speech completely.
Secondly, and more importantly to Mrs. Clinton, the speech was littered with reminders of why she should remain relevant in the Democratic Party. This was a "You Picked the Wrong Guy" speech.
Will we remember her or this speech in 4 or 8 years? I suspect not. The speech didn't brand itself with any tag lines that might survive the next few years. But it was a hell of an effort.FREEDOM and LIBERTY
Bert Hornbeck had an interesting blog recently. In it he noted that, “Free” is a very important word, and “freedom” is very different from “liberty.” The immediate root of “liberty” is the Latin LIBER—which also gives us “libido” and “libation.” “Libido” has to do with desire; “libations” are outpourings, from the Greek.[ii] “Liberty” is a do-my-own-thing word; it has nothing to do with the idea of society. “Free,” however, is a friendly word—literally, historically. “Friend” comes into English from the Germanic FREI, which means dear, or beloved. “Free,” remarkably enough, comes into English at about the same time—in perhaps the eighth century—from exactly the same root. The understanding in both “friend” and “free” is what we call love: the relation of self with what self holds dear. As “friend” becomes “free,” it makes the idea of freedom social. It says that you can’t be free by yourself.
I believe not attending to these differences is the cause of the apparent divide in American thought. True conservatism (not that practiced by the Republicans) understands the importance of relationships between people and values those relationships over the individual. The whole is indeed greater than the sum of the parts. Liberal ideology seeks to raise the needs and desires of the individual above the collective good. This is where the Libertarians lose most Americans. Intuitively, Americans sense the error of the "my liberty is more important than the collective good" ethos and shun the movement. Neither the modern Democratic Party nor the Republican Party has found a way to tap into the American belief in Freedom while simultaneously bonding us to society. This is the time for Democratic and Republican ideologies to be replaced by less "me" centered thinking and our nation should return to its ideological roots, which means that we understand our obligation to each other to value and defend each other's freedom, not just our own.National Democratic Do-over
If the Democrats were acting rationally as Democrats, the super delegates would quit dancing for the man and look seriously at Hillary Clinton at this point.
The Democratic support that the super delegates are so keen on being a part of should be viewed as something of a mirage. What would the delegate count be if the events of the last month had taken place in December? Would Obama have as much support as he does now? Would he be the presumed candidate? And yet the Obama of today is the one the Democrats are likely to insist represents their party. The Obama that sees middle America as "clingers," the Obama that wouldn't repudiate Wright but is now quite right to repudiate, this is the Obama that will face McCain in November. For a party as down on America as this one, an Obama nomination seems awfully optimistic. Perhaps, it's not just Michigan and Florida that need a do-over: perhaps the Democrats ought to have a national do-over.Obama’s Global Poverty Act
It might be too strong to say "All things" global bother me, but it's not far from the truth. Obama's support of this bill is indicative of my major concern of his candidacy.
Sure he's liberal. Liberal we can handle. Heck even socialist we can handle. We have systems in place to deal with presidential initiatives which we ultimately don't approve of. But relinquishing any control to any kind of world organization is very troubling. Being outside of our borders and constitution, we could find ourselves subject to a body we don't agree with and yet have few ways to get out from under its jurisdiction. This is a slippery slope. I fear Obama's need to be liked and validated will prompt him to try to enter the U.S. into many global initiatives.Talk of a Declining Obama Campaign
For all the talk of the demise of the GOP, this campaign seems more and more to foretell the demise of the Democrats.
Hillary, despite her belief that her ascension has been preordained, has a low ceiling and a high floor. Obama continues to manifest himself as a divisive candidate, creating his own new voting demographic within his party, one that surely will never be as influential as, say, the evangelicals have been for the GOP. It is no wonder that Clinton supporters would sooner vote for McCain, the two have significantly more in common and, to their credit, Clinton supporters can see through the audacity of hype. The sad fact for the democrats is that these two represented the best the Democrats had to offer. Perhaps it is a tacit admission of poor policy that the Democrats chose two candidates who are best known for their celebrity status and not their policies or experience. If the policy postulates of the democrats had more merit, a "celebrity" wouldn't have be needed to endorse those policies.Cynical on Cyrus
Miley Cyrus is apparently now "embarrassed" about her Annie Liebovitz. photo in the upcoming Vanity Fair.
I'm afraid I just don't believe that her feelings are the result of poorly timed contemplation. My understanding is that the family was present for the photo shoot and got to see the picture in advance. They liked it and moved on. NOW all of a sudden Miley is embarrassed? These are smart people familiar with the media. I, of course, have no inside information, this is just my opinion, but it would appear she wants to have her cake and eat it too: do the photo shoot (be edgy, become known to new demographics) and then make a heartfelt apology to appease the core fan group.The Democrats Jimmy Carter Problem
To extrapolate from Carter's experience, an intelligent Democratic candidate might surmise that meetings with despots around the world is a bad idea, at home and abroad.
Is Obama smart enough to see the error of his proposal to meet with such foreign leaders? Probably not. Too impressed with his own palaver, he'll stand by his words. But can McCain and the GOP make the same connection and exploit Carter's follies as empirical evidence that they were correct in postulating what such visits from US dignitaries would bring about?Faustian Economics by Wendell Berry
If you are not a subscriber to Haper's Magazine, I highly recommend you venture out to the book store of your choice and pick up a copy of the May issue so you can read Wendell Berry's excellent article "Faustian Economics" which is no where near as boring as the title would imply (sorry WB).
His words address the inherently conservative values (not republican--conservative) most Americans believe in. But he also points out that while we believe in them, we don't LIVE them. His article can be, and should be, a call for personal change. It will be an exciting read for the number of times you exclaim (too loudly for those sipping coffee nearby) "Yes!" Although, if I'm honest, it is depressing on a national scale because I know most Americans act on their immediate desires and not on the values they hold most sacred. But, in the end, change starts at home.
Drexel Kleber
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February 24, 2007 at 8:26 am
I agree that our children’s sense of personal value should come from an understanding of God’s love for them but I disagree that they or anyone must or can do anything to earn that sense of personal value or the respect that goes with it. We ought to treat everyone–even the village idiot or drunk or drug dealer–with the respect befitting someone created in the image of God and for whom Christ died. At the same time, of course, we carefully determine the extent to which we trust people, depending upon what we know of their character.
February 27, 2007 at 3:11 pm
good for you. i agree that too many people these days so easily try to divorce natural consequences from the choices they make, claiming it’s their “right” to do so. i have long since felt this same way, but could never have expressed it so eloquently.